People make everything worse

To the smelly old man and his insufferable and very talkative companion tonight at 'The Wind that Shakes the Barley'. Fuck you. Frankly, I do not care if you understand what is going on in the film. If you are not capable of deciphering an Irish accent, or following the plot of a historical film, that's embarrassing. Which is why I'm confused as to why you wouldn't shut the fuck up about it. If I were on a date and had no idea what was going on, I would watch silently and quietly agree with my date's opinions, hoping he didn't ask me to contribute lest he realize what a fucking moron I am. And I would create this deception ONCE THE FILM WAS OVER. During the film? Not such a hot idea.

Moreover, when you spend such a large amount of time during said film unable to follow along, the last term you should be using to describe it upon getting up from your seat is sophomoric. Really? Sophomoric? I'll show you sophomoric as I 'accidentally' stretch my leg as you are passing me and watch you fall flat on your ugly fucking face. And then laugh. Really, really hard. That is sophomoric. The beautiful and incredibly disturbing film you spent two hours ruining? Not sophomoric by a long shot.

It's a wonder the feisty gay man to your left didn't clock you. He certainly joined the chorus when we were bitching about you once you'd left. I wonder if you realize how much everyone hates you. Probably not, because you are making out with your date, the man with a mouth that smells like rotting dentures, which I know even from sitting two seats away. Enjoy. Sounds delightful.

I don't like to make a scene and create an uncomfortable situation for all the people in the theater who aren't subjected to your inane commentary. Thus after politely asking for you to shut your pie hole, I shut mine. I realize now that maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have told you that if you didn't cease and desist immediately I was going to get the usher and have you thrown out. Or I should have asked you to give me $11 on your way out to make up for you crapping on my movie night. I realize any or all of these would have been viable options, and next time I won't be afraid to use them. So watch out. I am well aware that stupidity is everywhere, and I've reached the end of my rope.